


Four hooligans

by vixevilcat7



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:26:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28511883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vixevilcat7/pseuds/vixevilcat7
Summary: Four hooligans wind up in jail for the night
Relationships: Ginny Weasley/Blaise Zabini, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Luna Lovegood/Harry Potter, Pansy Parkinson/Ron Weasley
Kudos: 29
Collections: vixevilcat7





	Four hooligans

Harry Potter groaned as he rolled out of bed. He felt even worse when he hit the floor, especially as he could hear a pair of laughing hyenas in the background. To beat it all, this wasn’t even his floor. It was concrete for one thing. Also the bed had felt literally like one big spring.

Holding his head, he sat up and looked around. On doing so, he discovered two things. He was in a jail cell. And the laughing hyenas were revealed to be Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini, laughing their asses off at him. A loud thump beside him announced the presence of Ron Weasley.

“Gods, what the hell did we do last night?!” he grumbled.

Ron laughed, good-naturedly, considering who they were sitting across from. “Dunno, mate, but I hear the other guy looks worse than you!”

“What! What do you mean, he looks worse?! Did I fight someone?!” Harry yelled, then winced and grabbed his head.

“Yep, but don’t worry. It was for a good cause.” Ron patted him on the shoulder.

Suddenly, Harry remembered why he and Ron were out last night. “Oh, Sweet baby Jesus! Luna’s going to kill me!” he paled as he ran through the many ways he would soon be dying.

“Nah, she’ll understand when you tell her why it happened!” Ron reassured him. 

On the other side of the cell, the two laughing hyenas, oh, um, I mean Draco and Blaise were also discussing their eminent fate: facing their wives!

“Don’t worry, Blaise, we tell it just like it happened. What’s the worst they can do to us? We’re their husbands, they love us! They’ll forgive us, you’ll see!” Draco waved off Blaise’s worries.

“Ok, I hope you’re right. If she kicks me out, fair warning, I’m coming over and camping out on your couch!” Blaise warned.

“Ok, ok. If she kicks you out, you’re more than welcome to hog our couch but it’s not gonna happen, you’ll see!” Draco rolled his eyes at Blaise. “Listen, just let me do all the talking. Or you’ll fall out of character again!”

“Hehe, you have to admit, though, that was a good reason to fall out of character!” Blaise laughed. Draco burst out laughing again as he agreed. Both sides studiously ignored the other side.

A short while later they all heard the door open and a group of people start their way. Draco and Blaise exchanged glances as Harry and Ron stood up.

Before long, the jailor was in front of their cell, along with four beautiful girls. They all had their hands on their hips and glared at their husbands. All four men visibly gulped. 

Pansy stepped forward. “Ron Weasley, you better have a damn good reason for this!”

“I was helping Harry! You know how he is when he’s stressed out! He forgets what he’s supposed to be doing and gets off track, you know that!” Ron hurried to explain. “Besides, who knows how much worse things would have been if I hadn’t been there!”

Harry hurried over to talk to Luna. She was standing there, staring curiously now that Ron had slightly calmed Pansy down. He reached through the bars and cradled the small swell of their second child. “I went to five different stores last night, Luna, FIVE! Three of them were baby stores. The last one was the only one that had diapers to fit James! One pack, Luna, one pack was literally ALL they had!” 

“Some guy came up and grabbed them away from me! I told him I needed them urgently. The store manager told him that they would have new stock in on their morning truck. He didn’t need them until the weekend, for a baby shower he and his wife were attending. He refused to give them up. I even offered to pay him for them. That’s when he punched me and told me to bugger off! I couldn’t help it, Luna, we NEDDED those diapers worse than he did, so I punched him back. That’s when one of his friends jumped in, then Ron. Then the store manager called the police on us all!” he ignored the laughter from the other two jailbirds. Pansy’s lips were twitching and Luna was giggling. The jailor opened the door and let the two of them out. 

Then it was Draco and Blaise, trying to talk their way back into their own wives good graces. Ginny stepped forward. “All right, Zabini, this better be good!” 

Blaise gulped and gauged his chances of living if he even attempted to lie. Cowed by the fury shooting from his wife’s eyes, he promptly ignored his good buddy Draco’s old saying ‘bros before hoes’ and threw Draco under the bus! He pointed at Draco and yelled, “It’s all his fault! He said we wouldn’t get caught, he said it! I knew it was too good to be true but he swore we wouldn’t get caught!” he blubbered.

Draco face palmed. “Well, we WOULD have gotten away with it, had a certain someone not fell out of character last night, just as I was about to have us out of there!”

Hermione stepped forward. “Exactly what were the two of you doing that landed you at a police station, in the first place?”

Draco gulped. She was almost as scary as Ginny when she flew into a fit of temper. He lifted his chin. “We took the motorcycles out last night, just for a test run. You should have been with me, you would have loved it! Anyway, we knew we couldn’t go fast on our short, twisty, shady roads, so we went to the big road. It was far enough away that we weren’t known but close enough to be back home in a matter of minutes.”

“We were zipping down the road and passed some police cars. We weren’t sure whether to try and outrun them or not. We figured you’d be happier with us just paying a speeding ticket and not resisting arrest so we stopped. They took us downtown and there was only one rule, JUST ONE RULE, that Blaise had to remember, but then they dragged those two in, fighting over a pack of DIAPERS! I almost had them turning us loose on a total misunderstanding technicality! Blaise forgot his character and gave us away!” Draco glared at his best friend.

“Well, Blaise, Draco said you only had one rule to remember. What was it?” both Ginny and Hermione was curious about this.

Blaise cleared his throat, stood up straight and smiled proudly as he announced to the world. “Remember, if we get caught, I’m deaf and you don’t speak English!” 

Everyone groaned as they face palmed.


End file.
